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Sunday, June 24, 2012


Relationships are always counter intuitive. You think you know its going in one way, bang it comes and bites you where it should not. Let me also make this humble observation: Relationships are not between humans only, they are between you and objects, you and narcissism (your and your near and far ones), you and that particular pot hole on the road, you and that rotting apple in your fridge, you and the morning alarm, you and that dream that pokes your conscience every now and then. 

Let me elaborate with one of the very first relationship that you encounter at the start of your day - with the throne. The throne, usually accommodates as much assault a human body can conjure up and takes it all in its own stride, without much complaint. But what do you do in return? Your girlfriend puts the seat down (or vice versa) and you (for no fault of the throne here) slam it back up with such fury that Prudence trembles.

Lesson 1: Relationships don't believe in give and take. They are, in all probability, mostly about take.

As the day progresses, you make, break and revive many such relationships. That traffic signal, which invariably turns red when you are just inches away from taking that turn, the elevator that purposefully takes off just when you are half a step away from it, the laptop that reboots by itself when you are in one of the most important meetings of the day, the coffee that spills on your favorite shirt reminding you of earth's rotation, the dish that burns by 'itself' when your earnest desire to display your culinary skills is challenged, and the last smoke in your packet that nudges you to take it, and its too late to go out and get a new packet.

Lesson 2: Relationships, often form by themselves. They do not quite wait for your approval and/or your rejection. They just nudge, push, shove and make their places in your lives.

One of the special relationships that I have is with my conscience. It is that of convenience. We do not look eye-to-eye, we prefer the 'sideways glance'. Every now and then, a thought takes its form in my mind, it could be that of leaving it all and be a recluse to making it all and showing the proverbial finger to the world. I refuse to choose a middle path, my conscience nudges me to do so (being fully aware of my capabilities), but I firmly refuse: all or nothing! Result: I stay put. where I was. Billions of years ago. And 'shoo' away my conscience. 

You remember the first time you touched the base of her neck and promised you will forever hold that in your fingertips; your conscience knocks at your door at the same time, and tells you not to tie yourself down, not to promise yourself what you cannot. You, oblige to your conscience. 

From the dreams that challenged the mundane existence to the promises of a lifetime, your conscience stands in between and takes up the self-appointed role of a monitor (really, who wants that?); my advice: don't listen to it, choose what suits you the best. It is about YOU and not about that intangible conscience which surreptitiously promises some heavenly solace in some highly debatable 'after life'. 

Lesson 3: Relationships don't quite believe in reasons. They are self-oriented (not selfish) and change with time, people, place and emotions.

When was the last that you had spend your money, time and emotions on your most desirable object or subject at that point of time? That nice pair of shoes, that really awesome play station game, that purse, that piece of clothing or that dinner and the time spent together? How did that make you feel? How was that relationship? Satisfying, wholesome, defining? How many times have you repeated that with different objects and subjects? My guess: a few.

Lesson 4: Relationships are recyclable. All you need to do is hold on to the crux of the emotions that matters to you in any relationship and then apply, reapply and reinvent it.

However, the best relationship, I think is that of our observations on relationship (just as in this apology of a write-up). We all have opinions on it. We all are, in some strange way, completely bummed by it. We all, in our deepest desires, want to get a hang of it. We all, in some way or the other, are perennially running away from it or towards it (never indifferent), in some form or the other. We get into the deepest of the bonds (love, hate, addiction...whatever...note the word bond) and in our minds are continually evaluating, judging and rating it, thereby challenging it in every waking, and may be in sleeping moments.

Lesson 5: Relationships are our own doing (dreaming, imagining, building or ending it). They do not live or die by themselves, we steer them.