These are a few of my scary experiences...

I get 'petrified, stupefied and mortified' easy. There are many encounters and experiences that scare me to no ends. I try to preempt most of the times from past experiences, but the hands still sweat, and the heart still pumps faster.

I am very afraid every time I step into a bank. I am afraid of the one behind the desk will reject my deposit slip. At one point of time I used to keep sample filled-in forms so that I do not miss any details. However, with ever changing forms, this strategy is of no use. With the long life-threatening queues, I am scared to my wits end that the one with the power will reject my form and I have to get behind the queue again. Only the other day, I was filling up a deposit slip for some yearly investments and I asked the lady whom should I address the cheque. She says, sternly, "Madam, understand! It is your policy, must be addressed to you!" :( I felt stupid.

I am also very afraid of my maid. The good lady keeps my flat livable, cleans up my dishes with specks of leftover soap and chapati as decorative pieces on the utensils, week old dust on my balcony and I am petrified every time that I ask her to clean the dish again or to clean the bathroom. I generally avoid eye contact, ask her to do the needful and shy away to my laptop or newspaper. I feel unjust.

I am also very afraid of Indian immigration officers. They are outright mean to me. I think they plan across cities (except for the ones in Delhi - they are nice) and decide to pick on me. The other day, in haste, having already missed the boarding time, I placed my passport and immigration form on the powerful gentleman's desk, hoping against hope that I had completed the form correctly. He looks at me in utter disappointment, "Ma'am, so many passports you have, you still don't know that you have to present the boarding pass as well!" :( Believe me, I was about to. The split of a second, and I am ashamed.

I am pretty scared of the bhajiwalli (vegetable vendor) as well. She is a robust lady in her late forties. Very efficient, prompt and calculates in lightning speed. I take vegetables from her once in two weeks as she passes by the apartment. She knows me by now - but puts me right at the bottom in her customer's list. Someone who buys vegetables once in two weeks is not worth her attention and service. In my desperate attempt to gain position in her list, I order two tomatoes and one pau (250 gms) bhindi (ladies finger) extra. She eyes me with contempt, my cook expresses displeasure at my miscalculation and I stay at the same place in her list. I feel exasperated.

But the ones that steal the show are the government officials in Calcutta, be it to issue ration cards, pay late telephone bills, change names on electricity bills or issue corporation tax receipts. First of all, it is a race against time - you must be able to catch the relevant official in between his arrival time to the office (which would invariably be late because of the traffic jam) and his lunch break and his tea break to the time he calls it a day (which has to be early to avoid the traffic jam). Believe me, this is very very difficult and your query must be to the point, you must prepare a list and mark those as you progress in the conversation and you must always be prepared for lead-in questions. If you stammer, pause to think or are unsure, the clock will strike the lunch break and you are doomed. I am literally mortified by them. I prepare and I prepare and I prepare and I still mess up. :( I feel useless.

Yes - I get 'stupefied, mortified and petrified'.