Of packing and unpacking a lifetime...

I know this is going to be a controversial topic, way more controversial opinion that I have ever put down in the expressionless cyberspace. But it's been nudging me for a while to be explored and I finally am taking the plunge. Before I forge ahead with my blabber, I really want to appeal to the unfortunate folks who are actually reading this piece that I am not being judgmental  nor am I trying to paint every story using one brush, I am, but, merely curious to comprehend how this certain aspect of human relationships, that I am about to write, works. Now that I have made enough disclaimers, let me get to the point.

I have been very fortunate in my life to have had known people from different backgrounds, having weird lifestyles, making unconventional choices, courageous and chivalrous people who are living life to the fullest and some of them have been truly kind enough to accept me as a part of their lives, to allow me to witness their lives and learn from them. It is from their lives that I have drawn inspiration.

Couple of years back when I came out of my marriage, I looked back and thought that's the best I had lived, most I had loved someone, most I had fought with someone and had been as intimate as I can ever be with anyone. We knew each other for over 17 years, and that seemed like a lifetime of experience for me, good enough for one life, even after considering the high life expectancy these days.

However, soon I realised that that's not enough at all. I have half of my lifetime ahead of me, and my near and dear ones, especially my mother insisted that I get married again. That demand literally translated to me as follows: I need to pack my likes, dislikes, my nuances, my mood swings, my occasional nicotine, my love for onion, my burps and other bodily decibels, my unwanted hair growth or hair loss and my bad temper, my kohl eyes, my passion for travel, my love for life, my fierce independence and my “mild” snoring, pack all of that and put those in someone else's cupboard, toilet, bed and living room, again, in the same lifetime.

Now that is a challenge for me. How do I do that? How can I pack and unpack myself in front of someone else? Again? More importantly, this time around I need to do it in superfast speed. I do not have 17 years to slowly unpack. I have merely couple of more years to unleash a lifelong of irritable existence syndromes on to an unsuspecting soul and expect that person to give me a lifetime commitment of care and comfort, that's what my near and dear ones think I need. Hmmm...so if I am not comfortable, then what do I do? I unpack myself in parts? I always wait before producing decibels? For the rest of my life? I hide the onion in a Prada purse and eat it alone and then use Listerine? I do not share my stupidest fears and my craziest dreams? Or is it that I get into a relationship and then hope like the Bollywood movies that love/comfort will blossom someday and then I will eat my onions in front of him?

This brings me to the controversial question, finally. How does one do it? Second time around? I can understand when someone has come out of a brief marriage, an abusive marriage, a marriage that scarred them...they need healing and they can very well find their healing and their comfort in someone else. But I belong to the old school, where it takes a while to really love someone and be comfortable with their decibel-producing capabilities. How can that be achieved in super-fast speed? And believe me it is super-fast!! My mother became tech-savvy, bought herself a tab and opened up an online account for me in one of the matrimonial sites. And I have actually been told off by some of those “expressing interests” because of my ‘slow’ response. I am sure, they are all running against time, at my age and need to find that special someone and their special nuances at their earliest.

It seems impossible and unfathomable for me to really need someone so desperately in my life, that at this age and stage of my life I am ready to hide my onion and eat it later followed by a Listerine wash. So going back to the original question, how does one do it? What is it that makes them feel that it is okay to unpack themselves, share a bed for the rest of their lives with someone, someone whom they definitely do not know as well as they did the first time around? How is it that one finds comfort in fast-forwarding information download of more than three decades on to someone and at the same time process their information all in less than a year? What broadband do they use?

Jokes apart, I admire people living life to the fullest, taking their chances and fighting their odds. But I am curious to know how do they deal with this particular quandary, if they face one such? I am sure those of you who are reading my blog, have known people around you who have had similar experiences, what were your observations? Even if you haven't, what are your thoughts given a situation like this?