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Saturday, May 30, 2015

Of scattered lifes...

Life lay scattered. For some reason. In front of me. It was your life.

Your dreams I did not know. You were meant to be back where you belong. You do not BELONG where you are now. You cannot. It is not fair. I did not know you well. But I saw you smile. It was bold and beautiful. It was full of life. I saw intelligence. In your eyes. The eyes were full of life too. Is that what you really wanted? To take the life off your eyes?  If that is not what you wanted, then why did it happen to you? Don’t they always say, you get what you want in life? Then why would you ever want that? Why would you ever want your beautiful smile and the spark in your eyes to leave forever? Who decides this? And how?

You had plans. I am sure. To watch a movie? To have some home cooked food, may be? To work harder? To raise a family? It was a usual office day. Wasn’t it? You had a late shift, I learned. And you were going back home. It was simple. Not complicated. Not difficult. You must have ridden on that road several times. You are a good biker. I heard. Today, you were not allowed to finish that journey. You loved mountains, hike them, trek them, I hear. Are you at the mountains now? Are you off to some mountain and will come down. Soon. And dazzle us with your smile.

I cannot come to think of how she is. Your mother. It hurts my head. It hurts my soul. It blinds my heart with a pain, I have rarely known to have existed. It wipes off the smile of my face. It wipes off feelings of my eyes. I cannot think. Of her, your mothers. Of myself. Of today.

I cannot some to think of how he is. The one behind the wheels. Of the truck. I do not know if it was his mistake. If it was not his mistake. Is his life scattered too? The life of those near to him. Are their lives scattered too? Why? Why do we have to have so many lives scattered? Why does this have to happen?

Why didn’t you leave a few minutes late? Why didn’t you leave a few minutes early? Why didn’t you stop for a moment to watch the sun rise? Why didn’t you take a moment more to swipe out of those office doors? You would have been here? Wouldn’t you? Why will I never have answers to my Whys? Why?

Life lay scattered. For some reason. In front of me. It was your life. But it scattered my life too. For an hour. May be for a day. Could be a few days. I haven’t written anything. For months. You scattered my silence. You scattered my getting used to mode. You scattered my comfort. We all lay scattered. All, who knew you. On some level. We lay scattered. Because it is not fair. It is not right. Because it is not LIFE. It cannot be. 

*I pray for her family. Strength and courage. And sanity. And justice.

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