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She stood there, in front of the mirror, naked. Her hair framed her face, ever so lightly, poignantly lifting her chin as her eyes dropped. The street lights lost their way into her room through the glass windows. Carelessly glancing through her body and caressing the mounds and the curves, creating a drama. Her eyes, she felt, were tired. Her thoughts, she knew, were exhausted. Her body, she saw, was a shadow. With a broken marriage, mutilated ovaries and few desperate wrinkles etching her tired face, she wondered for a while, at the milestone of 50, how does she define her womanhood. Is she, she argued, any more a woman?
Is it her thoughts that make a woman a woman? The famous 'caring and sharing is all about'? Or is it the relationships that make a woman a woman - the father, the brother, the sister, the son, the daughter, the husband, the lover? Or is it just the hair, the softness, the curves and the societal glances that make a woman a woman?
She knew of a woman in her childhood, complete with the sindoor (vermilion) and the shankha-pola, who visited their house everyday to finish some daily chores. She had not seen her husband for 10 years, she did not know where he was, but she continued wearing the sindoor. Several years later, the aged lady still had the same smile and the sindoor on her forehead just as red as before. Is this why she is a woman?
She also knew of a woman, who chose to raise her several siblings after a bitter partition, fought shoulder to shoulder with several authoritative figures in the 1940's in politics and remained dedicated to the family till her last breath. Is it her tremendous courage, in a troubled world that makes her a woman?
Or was it when her best friend's husband flooded his 'facebook' page with his wife's photographs and published 'notes' for her, that she knew her best friend is a woman? Or was it when someone she knew chased her fiance' to the other side of the world to salvage a relationship is what makes a woman, a woman - the grit, the determination or the desperation? She wonders...
Is it when with a battered body, and an abused conscience, her domestic help gets up every morning to pack food for her husband and her kids makes her a woman? Or is it the calmness with which a woman handles a terribly upset client or a stakeholder that makes a woman a woman? Is she, the one who adores her husband and her child, enjoys few short-lived affairs on the side, but always walks back to the comfort of the four walls of her husband and children - and it is her discretion, her celebration of her life or her bold choices that make her a woman? Or may be when her husband of 30 years, looks lovingly at her, shares his terrible fear what if she passes away before him and her comforting him makes a woman a woman - her beauty and her indispensibility to her family? She continues to wonder.
She walks the streets alone, she buys her own jewellery, she rules the catwalk, she dominates many podiums, she destroys the demon every year amidst dhak (drums) and the autumn clouds, she stares at her tired palms bearing the evidence of years of housework, she refuses to give in, she obeys orders ever so diligently, she nurtures a dream in her heart, but she rarely dares to live it - is this why she is, who she is?
She kept staring at her 'shadow' on the mirror, the hair and the curves. May be a face muscle twitched a bit or may be there was some moisture in her eyes, we do not know. May be she wondered for a while what if she had a complete family, a loving husband, couple of kids, few children in law, membership to kitty parties, she would have felt her womanhood. Or may be she wondered, in her manicured heart and mascara-lined soul, that her setting beauty, her broken life, her failing reproductive organs and her pride in her freedom, proclaims every day that she is...
*Dedicated to many remarkable souls that I have come across in my life. So, what makes a woman a woman! Your thoughts?
Is it her thoughts that make a woman a woman? The famous 'caring and sharing is all about'? Or is it the relationships that make a woman a woman - the father, the brother, the sister, the son, the daughter, the husband, the lover? Or is it just the hair, the softness, the curves and the societal glances that make a woman a woman?
She knew of a woman in her childhood, complete with the sindoor (vermilion) and the shankha-pola, who visited their house everyday to finish some daily chores. She had not seen her husband for 10 years, she did not know where he was, but she continued wearing the sindoor. Several years later, the aged lady still had the same smile and the sindoor on her forehead just as red as before. Is this why she is a woman?
She also knew of a woman, who chose to raise her several siblings after a bitter partition, fought shoulder to shoulder with several authoritative figures in the 1940's in politics and remained dedicated to the family till her last breath. Is it her tremendous courage, in a troubled world that makes her a woman?
Or was it when her best friend's husband flooded his 'facebook' page with his wife's photographs and published 'notes' for her, that she knew her best friend is a woman? Or was it when someone she knew chased her fiance' to the other side of the world to salvage a relationship is what makes a woman, a woman - the grit, the determination or the desperation? She wonders...
Is it when with a battered body, and an abused conscience, her domestic help gets up every morning to pack food for her husband and her kids makes her a woman? Or is it the calmness with which a woman handles a terribly upset client or a stakeholder that makes a woman a woman? Is she, the one who adores her husband and her child, enjoys few short-lived affairs on the side, but always walks back to the comfort of the four walls of her husband and children - and it is her discretion, her celebration of her life or her bold choices that make her a woman? Or may be when her husband of 30 years, looks lovingly at her, shares his terrible fear what if she passes away before him and her comforting him makes a woman a woman - her beauty and her indispensibility to her family? She continues to wonder.
She walks the streets alone, she buys her own jewellery, she rules the catwalk, she dominates many podiums, she destroys the demon every year amidst dhak (drums) and the autumn clouds, she stares at her tired palms bearing the evidence of years of housework, she refuses to give in, she obeys orders ever so diligently, she nurtures a dream in her heart, but she rarely dares to live it - is this why she is, who she is?
She kept staring at her 'shadow' on the mirror, the hair and the curves. May be a face muscle twitched a bit or may be there was some moisture in her eyes, we do not know. May be she wondered for a while what if she had a complete family, a loving husband, couple of kids, few children in law, membership to kitty parties, she would have felt her womanhood. Or may be she wondered, in her manicured heart and mascara-lined soul, that her setting beauty, her broken life, her failing reproductive organs and her pride in her freedom, proclaims every day that she is...
*Dedicated to many remarkable souls that I have come across in my life. So, what makes a woman a woman! Your thoughts?
5 comments:
As always, its such a treat to read the bits you write. This one hit me real hard...at a point I felt as though you were screaming my thoughts back to me :-)) I guess as a WOMAN these are questions that all of us have, regardless of what lifestyles we live... differently presented perhaps, but with the same base - What makes me me or Who am I at the end of the day?
Mind blowing Durba. Such a strong content expressed with such beautiful imagery, like only you can (maybe the photographer in you helps). Khub bhaalo laaglo pore (jodio ektu depressing, but so so apt). Keep writing.
Cheers ! A
remarkable read didibhai...it will ever so remind me of my mother... for years to come.... "she stares at her tired palms bearing the evidence of years of housework, she refuses to give in, she obeys orders ever so diligently, she nurtures a dream in her heart, she rarely dares to live it - is this why she is, who she is?"..... thank u so much..
durba-read your blog. you must come to my house to see the similarity of description.difference is that street lights come in directly. and yes this feb i turned 50 ;-))
what makes a women-a women is a huge outcome of socialization process-is something i have understood till now.it is a matter of perception, i feel. From wandering souls to caged human beings, in diferent roles and settings-have been the jou...rney our civilization has travelled. What for-is a big question as I find all three genders (men, women, and others) are thoroughly traumatized today.same is true of the families and societies.
wonder if this where I will be 20 odd years later; one of these women.. all of these women?
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